Review: "Locked Out Of Heaven" - Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars, everyone's favorite pop star meets crooner wannabe, is back with a brand new single that has been receiving a vast amount of praise from listeners around the world. Before we detail the ups and downs of this hit, take a listen.

Catchy, right? That's because it actually borrows off sounds and parts of successful songs from the past. This tune sounds like a Sting and Michael Jackson bastard child. The guitar parts, sounds, and vocal parts are ripped right out of any Police single, and the second part of the riff in the verse is from Michael Jackson's "Beat It." (listen below) Bruno even added his own Jackson-esque guttural "HUH" at the end of the 4-bar progression that makes him sound like he's hip thrusting a small child. Unlike Michael Jackson, however, I doubt that Mr. Mars was actually hip thrusting a child.

I really only have one true complaint about this jam. Just like any "good" music producer who's trying to incorporate the current trends (i.e. dubstep and EDM), this one decided to add some synths, "WOPS," and typical shit found in pop/dance tunes to this. While completely unnecessary, they still went ahead and added it. I personally find them distracting, because the song is actually pretty good without them. If you're going to add some cool shit to make the song more hip or whatever, add something people won't expect. Jane's Addiction did this by adding vicious, rabid pit bulls attacking your ear drums with lovable barking noises (below). BRILLIANT!

Other than the distracting synth shit going on, Bruno Mars has touched my soul and many other no-no zones with his smooth voice and well put-together song. Like every other tune that this dude sings, however, we're likely to enjoy it for two weeks and hate it for the rest of their lives because everyone gets put up with it. You heard it here first: radio DJ's around the world will hate their jobs in three weeks after this song becomes overplayed and callers begin to chime in with random death threats to "NEVER PLAY THAT GODDAMN SONG EVER AGAIN, ASSHOLE." Enjoy it while you can, ladies and germs, because you'll hate it shortly.

Official rating of "Locked Out Of Heaven": 8/10
Enjoy this while you can before you lock it out of your playlists forever1

Review: "One More Night" - Maroon 5

There's nothing better than being able to relate to celebrities. Since they're so much better than us, you think they would be perfect. Adam Levine and his band speak about a flaw that everyone has encountered. Yes, even you have, and don't act like you haven't. I'm talking about the bad hookup that Maroon 5 mentions of in "One More Night."

 

Nothing comforts me knowing that Adam Levine has hooked up with an ugly chick before. Much like "Locked Out Of Heaven," this song is a hybrid of two songs. "One More Night" is a mix of the main progression and theme of Ace of Base's "All That She Wants" and the drum beat from Rihanna's "Umbrella." Listen closely to the beat:

Am I right, or am I right? Pretty nifty, really. Anyway, as much as I'd love to know the absurd story of how Adam Levine took 47 Jagerbombs and mounted Shamu's sister while shouting "SEABISCUIT! HYAH!", we should probably go over why this song has some actual substance. Although Maroon 5 has changed their sound into yet another pop/dance band, this song somewhat breaks that mold. The reggae-esque syncopated guitars add a nice flair not really heard with popular songs these days. Adam Levine's vocals are blatantly autotuned like every other top 40 song, but it's not as obvious as other songs I've heard as of recent. I'm looking at you, douchebag who autotuned the vocals of "Some Nights" by fun.. 

This is currently one of my guilty pleasure songs right now. It's upbeat enough to dance and sing along to, but still low key enough to be able to chill out to. I can hear this jam being played in the club while I look at my friend suck face with the girl who looked like she got mauled by the ugly tree, yet I can also see myself taking it easy and hanging out with friends while sharing stories about buddies who woke up next to Shrek.

The lyrics are relatable to everyone, which is actually a little fun. The beat is playful and can be seen in a range of atmospheres. I'm afraid it will get old as people will enjoy this too much, though. In the end though, all I really want to hear is a story of someone doing the dirty to this ironic yet awesome song.

Official rating of "One More Night": 8/10

Love this song, but love it with someone you won't be ashamed of waking up next to.